The Deepest Joy

Whew! Easter has come and gone in our part of the world, and I for one am pooped. I'm pretty sure I say this after every holiday, but gosh, these holiday things are WORK I tell ya! Clean the house, cook x,y & z, host such and such event, put on extra eye de-puffer Sunday morning and do it all over again pretending you're not completely exhausted. Mom, seriously, A+ for all the years you did this when I was a kid, and then continued to mooch off of your holidays as an adult. Maybe over time you just get used to the holiday exhaustion?

On the flip side though, we did have such a special weekend. We started by hosting some of our favorite Hani college students for an Easter party Friday night, where we decorated cookies, dyed eggs, and then hunted eggs. Below is my cutie husband who decorated his cookies with a picture of our baby (insert collective ahhh here).

Perhaps the most special part of the night however, was walking our friends through the meaning of the Resurrection eggs that they had hunted. In addition to the symbol within each egg, we had printed the corresponding verse in Chinese. As they opened their eggs, Baxter shared the story of Easter and what the symbols meant, while I finished by sharing what this truth means to us. Seeing these students that I love so much hearing such an unbelievable story for the first time was a high and holy moment for us, and I found myself in awe that God would allow us the privilege to be bearers of this profound Truth. We know that so often journeys of faith and understanding are long ones, and as we finished we shared our willingness to continue the telling of this story, and are praying that seeds and questions would grow wild in these dear hearts.

Sunday morning it was our turn to host a holiday for our foreign community, so we welcomed 25ish into our home for a light breakfast, egg hunt, worship and potluck. Due to some much needed but plan-complicating rain, the kids hunted 100+ eggs inside, and I think by the end of the day our spill count was nearing close to ten. Here's a picture of the mongrels, I mean kids just so you can see a bit of the sugar-induced madness. It was wild, but a really precious time to celebrate such a meaningful holiday together.

Although I could have slumped over in my chair at multiple points throughout the weekend, I couldn't help but be filled with a deep and radiating gratitude. As I sat in worship yesterday with my hand resting on my 20 week pregnant belly feeling tiny kicks next to my husband that I absolutely adore, worshiping a God who rose despite all doubts and expectations so that we might know true freedom and life, all of a sudden my tiredness paled in comparison to the joy washing over me.

I will admit to a roller coaster of emotions the past several weeks, as I have felt flooded with questions and doubts. Clearly we are thrilled about this baby, but the things to be done and changes that it will mean for our life have been somewhat overwhelming. From simple things like which bottle is best and how/where to buy it, to how will my role in our work change have chased my days, leaving me sometimes feeling overcome and impotent. But yesterday as I evaluated the richness of new life, both within and around me, I came to see again the true beauty and necessity of dying to so many things. My expectations, questions, and doubts have no place in light of what Christ is desiring to do in me. Because of Christ and what we celebrated yesterday, we can confidently proclaim that death gives way to a deeper fullness than we could have ever imagined.  Easter is the promise that we are assured of new and better things when we willingly take on both the life and death of Jesus.

I know that this baby is going to change who I am, what I do, and the way I see the world in unimaginable ways. But, what I also know to be true, is that in this release and putting off of the old - newness comes. Hope springs forth, and just as He was and is so faithful to do - new life fills up and spills over  absolutely everything.

Come quickly Lord Jesus, risen Lord and sacrificial Lamb. Teach me to walk in all of your ways, embracing even the roughest of crosses so that I may know the sweetness of your presence every day, and ultimately the deepest joy of your risen life. 

Another First

One morning while I was jogging (which yes, is QUITE different from my days of running), I noticed something.

My belly was jiggling. I couldn't help but laugh out loud in simultaneous joy and disbelief. I'm thinking this might have something to do with the jiggling:

Although it also could have been this:

Cheesy baked pasta with roasted red pepper sauce and eggplant?  Um yeah, I'd say that could make your belly jiggle! But, for my own sake of mind we'll just blame any and all belly jiggling on being 19 weeks pregnant!

These Days

Have been full, but so good. We're "attempting" to slow the pace of our life so that when Sir/Madam Bentley arrives in August we're not in for such a shock, but any slowing has yet to actually happen. But hey, when things are this good - who can complain? We've had a great few weeks, traveling to YJ, to visit Spencer and Mary, and then more recently to Chengdu (a city in the province north of us) to visit the Doctor and doula who will usher our little guy into the world. Here are some of the sights we've seen recently.

This picture documents one of Baxter's dreams coming true, we took a TRAIN! The boy has seriously been looking for ANY opportunity to travel by train in the past two years, and going to visit Spencer and Mary was the perfect opportunity.

Here we are reunited with some of our besties. We are of course sad that they now live in another city, but are so, SO happy at how they're thriving. They are together, have jobs they enjoy, and are a part of a life-giving fellowship. We couldn't be prouder of them, and loved the time to celebrate the countless ways that the Lord has brought them through some really trying circumstances.

We did lots of park exploring in their new city, and of course had to get a picture of me and the belly/baby in front of this dragon, as our baby will be born in the Chinese zodiac year of the dragon. This basically means that our kid is guaranteed to be awesome in pretty much every way. : )

About a week after we returned from this trip, we took off to see if Chengdu would be a place we could have our baby. This large city has numerous embassies, which means doctors that speak English! We figured that was pretty important to us in having a baby, and being inclined to pursue a natural birth we also met up with a doula who would assist our birth. We were more than satisfied with the doctor, hospital and doula, and are excited that we'll be having Baby Bentley in country come August! And because Baxter and I are crazy, not only did we take a train there (EIGHTEEN hours my friends, EIGHTEEN. Do I love my husband or what?!), but also managed to squeeze in eating Mexican food, Turkish food, a trip to IKEA, and then a visit to the world famous panda breeding center that's outside of town. It was SO cool, and we just loved seeing these adorable animals.

This is what Baxter and I call "lettin' your beans out".

Seriously, this is what pandas do ALL. DAY. Until nap time that is! And no you're not crazy, you are hearing some Spanish in this video as our tour group included several Europeans. 

And this little guy? Seriously, I would have taken him home with me if only it wasn't illegal and our complex grew the literally tons of bamboo he would need daily to survive. Bummer.

Well, maybe sooner or later we'll try and slow down some, but as you can see for now we're just having too much fun!

Being the Bentley's . . . +1?

Well, after a lack of posting for a month and then posting about cereal, I'm due to my loyal readers (Hi mom! Hi Sandra! yep - that covers all of you!) something really spectacular.

This my friends, is what I find to be pretty stinkin' spectacular.

Yep, there you have it! A BABY! And not just any baby, O-U-R baby! Our very own, teensy-tiny human due in our arms August 26th. No, I can't quite believe it yet, although my growing midsection is starting to convince me. I'm calling it "le bulge", because it's not quite cute enough to be a bump yet. I'll keep you posted about once we enter that "cute" phase and am out of the "oh, that's awkward. You're just getting pudgy" phase. Thankfully first trimester nausea is pretty much gone, and I'm feeling great! We are so, so, SO thankful for mine and our Little Guy's health so far. (And no, we don't know the gender and don't plan on finding out! EEK! I know! Who am I?!)

And as a reward for your patience in lack of blogging, here is a video from our last sonogram. Apparently our Little Guy wanted to show off his big noggin, but you'll see a little foot swipe the screen, some little hands in front of the face and then towards then end a pretty great profile shot. And yes, this is OFFICIALLY the world's cutest baby on record. I know it will be hard dealing with the press once this video goes viral on YouTube, but I'm willing to deal with it as part of parenting such greatness. 

Amazing, right? Hope this puts a smile on your face today!

What Blessing Looks Like

Six bags of Kashi (don't worry about counting, one has already disappeared!) + who knows how many boxes of Clif bars = PURE GOLD.

Let's just say I have some really, really great friends who brought me some of my favorite things in the world. Now just to make them last for the next year to two years . . . ; )

ps - Yes, I promise. A post of substance to come soon.

A Starving Soul

Just yesterday we returned from a looong trek out to our friends village to celebrate Chinese New Year. It was a wonderful time with people we love dearly, and we treasure the opportunities like these to step into Hani culture. The travel was challenging for me though as narrow, curvy mountain roads hardly agree with my stomach. I’ve always been prone to carsickness, but hours and hours of tiny roads had my seeing my lunch again on our first day of travel. Neither fun nor attractive. As I knew we would be travelling to different villages to visit our friend’s family I saw myself running to meet yet another mountainside, and decided that eating less would be my best option.

Now, I come from a long line of hearty eaters. I’ve always been one of those who could “forget” to eat about as easily as I could “forget” to breath. It just doesn’t work for me. But after day one of travel and our first few meals cooked in good ole’ mountaintop pig fat, I realized my options were hold back or see it brought back. Last night as I poured my weary bones into bed, nothing seemed right. My arm was sore and Baxter couldn’t rub it right, my back itched in a place I couldn’t reach, and my pillow was uncomfortably taller than I remembered. And then I realized what the problem was. I was hungry. And yet somehow over the previous few days I had learned to overlook this feeling out of fear for being carsick and embarrassing myself or my host. After leaping from bed and downing as many crackers and peanut butter as I possibly could I instantly felt better and returned to bed a lot more happy and a lot less whiney.

But as I laid back down, I realized how quickly my body had adjusted to this sub-par condition of health. Out of necessity I had exchanged what I knew to be right and good for what my situation demanded – eating as little as possible in order to not become sick, and subsequently my view on just about everything was shifted. I was deeply convicted of how this has been the situation of my soul these past few busy weeks. I couldn’t help but think about how I again and again have exchanged what is truly life-giving for what works for the moment.  Rather than stilling my soul in the presence of God and be filled by all that He is, I have absorbed myself in the tasks of the day. Sure, this works to some degree, but in no way is how we are created to live. As I read this morning about Jesus identifying himself as the bread of life, I couldn’t help but think of Mary and Martha. Everyone knows that Jesus scolded Martha for being a busy-body and yet I think there is more to it. It clearly wasn’t just a situation of what they were about, but about the condition of their hearts. Mary chose Life, what Jesus called necessary and lasting. She chose to sit at the feet of the well that would never run dry and just soak in His presence. Martha chose what she perceived as important and set her heart to be about what was perhaps the most obvious and even demanding.

As I think about different frustrations or struggles in the past weeks, I see it not as a symptom of my circumstances, but rather of my starving heart. I praise God for all of His wisdom that created the very depths of our soul to need Him, and that He has led me all these years to walk with him in such a way that I find myself wasting away apart from Him.

Would you pray for me as I seek to set my heart on the giver of life? Would you join me in seeking to nurture my soul in the only one truly who satisfies and sustains? 

Oops.

Well, this is embarrassing. I know I'm not the only one who was swept up in the holiday frenzy, or wonders how it's already mid-January, or how your older brother turned 30 yesterday (just me?). Things have been C to the Razy around here, but I promise to try and start blogging again with some regularity. If it's any consolation, here are some pictures of the darling people and events that have kept us so busy these past few weeks.

Oh, and did I mention my in-laws are visiting? Like, straight from Cullman County, Alabama, USA inlaws? Yeah. AWESOME. And speaking of awesomeness from Alabama, how much did we all love this . . .

 We loved watching the Tide roll even over here in SE Asia! RTR baby!