Our little man will be a month old this next week, and let's not even go into how that simultaneously blows my mind and breaks my heart. It's has without question been four of the most exhausting, intense, heart-splitting, joy-filled weeks of my life. To see this little guy grow, take in the world and yet be so helpless truly is an incredible thing. To see and know how he needs us is remarkable, and even more amazing to know that despite the dizzying "holy crap can we do this" feeling that threatens to overcome us just about daily, God has equipped us with exactly what our son needs.
So often I find myself just staring at him, overwhelmed by the similarities in his development right now and my own spirit. As I see him fight and resist the sleep he desperately needs I see
myself and my own stubborn heart that insists I know best what I need. As I see my son voraciously eat what my body provides I think of my dependence on the Lord, and how He alone can fully and abundantly meet my needs. As I feel my baby relax and sink into a deep sleep on my chest, I think about how my heavenly Father longs for me to find similar peace in His presence. And as I see that gummy smile stretch across his perfect face, I think about how my Father longs that I find joy in Him simply because of who He is, my Father.
I know that the lessons that come with our little miracle are just beginning, and I'll spend the rest of my life learning from Brooks about our Father. Heck, those lessons began with the first pangs of labor! (which by the way I will someday write about, still processing that craziness!) My prayer for now is that as I walk through these fleeting newborn days, that my heart would reflect my son in its simplicity, and that as I pace the floors, feed yet again, wash somehow another load of diapers, that my soul would find communion with my Father like never before.
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