A Letter to My Husband

Baxter,

Just four days ago began and ended what was hands down the hardest and sweetest 42 hours of our lives. I remember finishing dinner last Saturday evening excited, even THRILLED that contractions were finally beginning. Little did we know that after 6 hours of laboring together that night that things would stop, only to begin again the next evening and then last for another 36 hours. I'm still not done processing the whole birth experience, but I want to make sure I cement in my mind how incredible you were for every single instant of bringing our son into the world.

From early on I know you were more worried about making sure you were supportive and encouraging enough to me more than anything else. You say you're not good at those things, but I think we now have hard evidence of just how WRONG you are my love! We were confident in our doctor, our hospital, our childbirth classes, and even all the unknowns of giving birth so that we never really worried about all the things that could happen. I think you were worried about letting me down, or not being able to be what I needed. I on the other hand, knew you would be more than I need, because you always are. You have this remarkable ability to surpass all expectations in the crunch, and are so steady and unwavering it's sometimes difficult to believe.

I never want to forget how for literally every breath, contraction, trip up and down the stairs, lap around the living room, sway, check, moo, moment and pushing, you were there. I will always treasure how you literally coached my breathing in your sleep, regardless of how quietly I tried to breath so that you could sleep for just a moment, somehow you knew I was having a contraction and were awake and coaching me through it. I never want to forget how many times you told me you were proud of me, or how you thought I looked beautiful, or excited you were that our baby was coming. I never want to forget how utterly exhausted and scraggly faced you were (so out of character for you!) coming into the delivery room, and yet how you put your own exhaustion aside to encourage me as we pushed our son into the world. We both couldn't help but cry as we saw our perfect little boy, and were just in awe at all we had been through and that we had a SON.

I will never think of this is "my" labor, or how hard it was for "me". I know absolutely, unquestionably that WE labored, and it was exhausting for US. You loved me in ways I might never understand those three days Baxter, and served me so selflessly. You showed me the depth of your character and strength, and a love that I could have never even known to even pray for during those days. You were my anchor, and absolutely what pulled me through. I could not have and will never do that again with out you, and am grateful that the whole experience proved me right about how encouraging and supportive you truly are. ; )

You are my rock, my heart, and the father of our most perfect little boy. Thank you for loving me so deeply during the hardest and best moments, each of them I count as holy because we shared them together.

I love you so much,

Katie