i feel OLD.

Whew. Ever have those mornings when you honestly think you will DIE if you have to get out of bed? Yeah, that was totally me today. I think my sweet husband honestly spent about 45 minutes trying to pry me from the clutches of our wonderfully warm bed.

The reason for this feeling I blame on the picture below. On Friday Baxter and I headed east to T-town, the East Texas suburbia where I grew up. My parents don't live there anymore, but seeing as how all of my memories from ages 0-18 were made there, I think it's ok to still call it my hometown. Baxter and I were conned (I mean cajoled) into leading a group for FBC Tyler's D-Now.

Now we love students . . . but we also love sleeping more than 6 hours in two days and eating things other than Doritos and Twinkies. (I know, we're finnicky people). We did a select few DNow's while in seminary, but it was after the last group of 17+ 8th grade guys and girls that we decided it was time to hang up the cleats. The city wide fast food scavenger hunt in a 30 passenger van was TOO much for Team Bentley. That and the atomic sit ups. We caved and went crawling into DNow Retirement.

I do have to confes though that I was one of "those" youth groupers, who spent weeks - nay, MONTHS - thinking of the perfect themed outfit for the DNow kick off party, dreaming up endless pranks with which to punk other groups (NO TESTIMONIES HERE MORGAN NUNALLY!!), and of course coming up with skits that were (and are still to this very day) EPIC. So when the saint of a youth minister who put up with me during those years called and asked if Baxter & I would lead a group, I knew I had no choice. I mean let's be honest - this couple put up with my 13 yr. old hyperactivity in church vans during long, LONG trips to places such as D.C. and El Paso - so I think I owe them a few. (And the fact that they were major players in my own adolescent spiritual formation doesn't hurt either.)

After promises of Starbucks delivery, Morgan Nunnally being present, and no middle schoolers to be in charge of, off we went. We had been assigned Seniors, which was super fun - especially when I realized most of them were born around 1992. Ouch. And sure, most of them I remember as 5 year olds, but it was great to reconnect with them in this phase of their lives and to get to know them apart from Children's Church VBS.

Throughout the weekend and my conversations with the students I realized certain dynamics seem to follow us through life - "who am I? where am I going? what am I doing? what really matters?" Some of these questions never change. I love looking back at that time in my own life, and reflecting on a season that quite literally opened up the world to me. It's remarkable how a new place and new people can completely shift a worldview that you once thought was permanent - and thankfully, in that shift new growth and understanding emerges.

While I hope that our time in Tyler was positive for the students who were obligated to listen to our meanderings and expositions on life, I know that for me, I left with a heart full of gratitude (and yes, the inevitable sugar overload and utter exhaustion as well).

I am grateful for students who reminded me that there is much to anticipate in every day - and to embrace each day and the unknown with gusto.

For a church that taught me to love the Lord, His word and His world through simple things like missionary dioramas and felt boards.

For friends and mentors who walked with me through the years of awkardness and questioning, and love me in spite of myself both then and now.

For a husband that would come out of a well deserved D-Now retirement to know me and the world in which I grew up in just a little bit better.

For a God who doesn't leave me the same, but continues to push and to change me.

This my friends, makes the bags under my eyes and endless playing of Ke$ha's "Tick Tock" song in my head absolutely worth it.